How the Cas Stole Christmas
by soritakashi
Summary: Every Winchester Down in Lawrence Liked Christmas a lot... But the Cas, who lived just north of Lawrence, Did NOT!


Transcript of Dr. Seuss's "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" from .

Every Winchester Down in Lawrence Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Cas, who lived just north of Lawrence, Did NOT!

The Cas hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his halo wasn't screwed on just right.

It could be, perhaps, that his trenchcoat was too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, His heart or his polyester,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Winchesters,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Cassy frown,

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every Winchester down in Lawrence beneath,

Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Cas fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Winchester girls and boys,

Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!

Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!

NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Winchesters, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!

FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would feast on Winchester-pudding, and rare Winchester-roast beast.

Which was something the Cas couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!

Every Winchester down in Lawrence, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Winchesters would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!

SING! SING! SING!

And the more the Cas thought of this Winchester Christmas-ing,

The more the Cas thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

THE CAS GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Cas laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Casy trick!"

"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..." The Cas looked around.

But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Cas? No! The Cas simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his dog, Crowley. Then he took some red thread,

And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.

THEN He loaded some bags On a ramshackle sleigh,

HE settled on in And he hitched up Crowley.

Then the Cas said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,

Toward the homes where the Winchesters Lay asnooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Winchesters were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.

When he came to the first little house on the square.

"This is stop number one," the old Cassy Claus hissed,

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pass.

But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Cas.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.

Where the little Winchester stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Cas, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Winchesters' feast!

He took the Winchester-pudding! He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Cas even took their last can of Winchester-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Cas, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And the Cas grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Winchester!

Little Dean Winchester, who was not more than four.

The Cas had been caught by this tiny Winchester son,

who'd got out of bed to grab his gun.

He stared at the Cas and said, "Santy Claus, why,"

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Cas was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head,

And he got him a drink and he sent him to bed.

And when Dean Winchester went to bed with his weapon,

He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up-in!

Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!

Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food that he left in the house,

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then He did the same thing to the other Winchesters' houses

Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Winchesters' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn... All the Winchesters, still a-bed,

All the Winchesters, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Pie,

He rode with his load to the tiptop up high!

"PoohPooh to the Winchesters!" he was Cas-ishly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,

Then the Winchesters down in Lawrence will all cry BooHoo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Cas, "That I simply MUST hear!"

So he paused. And the Cas put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow.

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Lawrence! The Cas popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Winchester down in Lawrence, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Cas, with his Cas-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"

"It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!"

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Cas thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then? Well...in Lawrence they say,

That the Cas's small heart grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,

And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Cas carved the roast beast!


End file.
